My last set of text post was something about weightloss, shows how long I can stick to any one menial boring thing, lol.
It always amazes me how short my attention span can be.
Day 26: What excites me most about reaching my target weight:
Er, nothing really. I was going to say “there’s no excitement in dying” but, in fact, I think there is. However, the excitement does not come from completing the task, but engaging in it, making mistakes, and making progress.
Besides, I’m not going to be happy with how I look when I reach that weight. I’ll just lower my target weight. It’s what people with eating disorders do.
I think I’ll be happy about looking less womanly though.
Day 25: Have I ever purged, and what was it like?
Yes I have.
It was like vomiting (duh.) The usual heaving and emptying of stomach thing, with a bit of an endorphin release afterwards. Can’t say more than that, really.
Day 24: The terms pro-ana/pro-mia
I think these terms are absolutely ridiculous for two reasons:
- Personifying these illnesses with the use of names separates the ED from the individual, leaving the individual feeling not as responsible for it. Also, some people who use the terms “ana” and “mia” not only treat these illnesses as entity’s in their own respect, but idolize them as gods or goddesses.
- The whole “pro” thing. Pro has two meanings - either pro as in in favour, or pro as in the abbreviation of professional. When used in “pro-ana” or “pro-mia” the term is used to mean in favour of, which makes me so bloody angry. Even if it were used to mean professional, I’d be angry. How dare someone claim that their profession is disordered eating, and that they’re the top dog at it? Stop being so fucking pretentious.
Day 23: Did the media play a role in me wanting to lose weight?
Well, this is a rather interesting and controversial topic amongst online ED communities, from the pro-ana ones to the pro-recovery ones and everything inbetween.
My answer to this question is yes, of course it did! We are constantly surrounded by the media from the moment we’re born, it’s bound to have an influence. In fact, it’s supposed to have an influence.
Now, I’m not saying that the media caused my ED, that would be ridiculous, but the media is a tool used to convey the strange fetishization of thinness that we have in western culture. I would have mental health problems and issues with control anyway, but you have to wonder why this manifested itself in an eating disorder, and why it does to so many other people.
So yes, the media did play a role in me wanting to lose weight. Loosing weight is everywhere in the media. But the media did not make this desire for weight loss manifest itself in the self-destructive habits of an eating disorder.
